Asshole Rating Self-Exam (ARSE) - Are You A Certified Asshole? - A Service of Electric Pulp

I scored a three but it really is in reaction to how I deal with people at work I don’t like.

If I can’t see myself going out for drinks with a person, I don’t see myself working with them very well.

They should have thrown in a Hoshin Kanri, Kano Customer Satisfaction, or House of Quality reference too!

(Never underestimate how much wearing a cape or pushup bra can skew your personality results. I hope a future employer isn’t reading my blog.)

…
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 95% Superman 85% Wonder Woman 77% Iron Man 75% Robin 65% Supergirl 62% Catwoman 60% Batman 50% Hulk 40% Spider-Man 35% The Flash 35%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Be nice to smokers, we don’t have much time left.

On an organizational culture note, if you want to know what’s really going on in your business, head to the smoker’s lounge. They are probably the most well-informed, cross-functional team you have.

Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em!

2. I like solid, heavy things. (I hate foam core or hollow doors, paper plates, folding chairs.) To me the size of an object dictates a certain density. If the size to weight ratio doesn’t match what I expect (which is calculated for me automatically), I don’t like it. (Is there a golden ratio for weight?) Like my MacBook, it is sleek and thin, yet when I pick it up it is heavier and more solid than I expected. Yeah! I can keep it. Red enameled, stainless steel dice would be a very cool density.

3. I have an economy of motion fetish especially when opening doors. I prefer to approach a door that opens in from the left, grab the knob, open it with my right hand with a jolt so that as I begin to pass through the door, twist my back to the left a few degrees, catch the knob on the opposite side behind my back with my left hand, so that just as my left foot crosses the threshold, the door is closed. I do a brief pause to make sure I can feel the latch click and am on my way.

4. I generally feel like an alien being. I constantly feel out of rhythm with the world and its people most often in conversation. Part of it has to due with my insatiable need for interesting topics and deeper levels (even if I do not contribute them). My brain is constantly working things out based on new information. But, it doesn’t tell me what it is doing or what it has decided so when asked how I got to some conclusion, I can’t replay the steps. This makes teaching or even explaining to somebody how I do whatever it is that I do, very difficult for me and them. It is also annoying because in meetings I am prone to ask questions too early. So I sit in a meeting listening to everyone while I guess my brain is putting together puzzle pieces and extrapolating outcomes as it goes until is runs out of pieces. So it tells me to ask a question but doesn’t tell me why. I get an answer from someone who generally looks confused about why the question was asked and I go back to listening. Twenty minutes later, somebody turns to me with some kind of discovery in their eye, and says “Aha! That’s why you asked that question” and they go away thinking I knew where the meeting was going the whole time. Greetings, Alien! Take me to your leader.

5. I never actually know what I’m doing, I’m making it all up as I go along. Yes, all of it.

Mason Inman’s Blog

I don’t think women are the weaker gender and I’m not just saying that as a sensitive pony tail guy nor to get in your pants. I think women are more sensitive to everything in every way; skin, image, emotions, diet, fashion, right/wrong, temperature, quality, atmosphere, movement… We (men) spend our lives building tolerances to cope with pain, stress, loss, and all else that threatens our ability to not cry. I’m not sure how much of it is by choice, by socialization, or purely evolution. Showing strength to our world or competition has its place but it is difficult to not bring that “strong” posture home with us. These tolerances quickly become obstacles between a couple as they struggle to decode each others’ words and actions when language or the individual fails to express the motivation.

I do suspect that our gender roles have been designed by evolution more than we’d like to admit. From a strictly survival perspective, building tolerance to pain has its advantages in dealing with a harsh world, whether it be climate or hunting or war. Is there a similar pattern for women? I know I find it almost impossible to turn away a crying woman. Is this an evolutionary defense strategy and not a softness in my heart? Are there other examples I’m not aware of?

Sexist? Too pop psychology? I’m just getting it out of my head since I’m bored talking myself.

Where did this random thread come from? From an even more random thread that crosses my mind from time to time, of course! Late last year I was struggling with the weaknesses of big design up front strategies for project management. As a very inside joke I started telling friends that this was the year I was falling in love, like you can put a deadline on that. I mean deadline. I’m not going to argue about how the subconscious will respond to such a task bringing me secretly from myself to a state of more openess to being in love which will therefore clue in others who may then respond in kind, greatly increasing the chances of it actually happening this year.

I did enjoy watching the challenge as people’s mental Rolodexes spun as they tried to match me to any of the single women they knew. They all paused and said they would get back to me as they spun their Rolodexes again for people they knew who possible might have more single women friends. It is a tougher challenge than you’d expect. My tastes shift with my mood and age, I have a very hard time accepting good enough, and many of my friends don’t know me that well so their chances were slim before the even started to play the game.

Something else random that just hit me, how uncomfortable is it really to wear a g-string? I’ve heard complaints and wonder if it is more of a play for attention and appreciation for their efforts to look sexy in something they deem ridiculous or the stigma that g-strings are the telltale sign of a whore or if it is really uncomfortable?

My brother sent this to me a while ago. Have no idea where he found it. You think he’s trying to tell me something?

I stand firm on my belief that sometimes it is appropriate to rock out with your cock out irrespective of your audience.